Comments to wyldchilde37@yahoo.com
Wyld's Notes: I admit it, the end of 2-6 was a bit rushed. Both because I had taken far too long with it already, and because I wanted to free up room for 2-7 "Unimatrix 0 Part 2." The fact is the first one was half way decent for the last 10 minutes or so, but part 2… well watch and see, or read and see. Either way I hope you enjoy because I doubt that anyone could have enjoyed the premier otherwise. As always I can be reached at Wyldchilde@theretender.com .
Disclaimer: This is done for purely entertainment purposes only, no profit is being made or is intended to. This is not meant to infringe upon the rights held by Paramount, Best Brains, or any others. Any other rights are reserved. This story features B'Elanna Torres and Seven of Nine in a loving relationship if you object to such things you may as well move on.
(Sung to the Love Theme to Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Sometime in the Distant Future
Round the end of season three
Voyager found itself in Borg space
Drones as far as the eye could see
Then they lucked out and met a drone
Who got the Collective to leave them alone
Then on the way back to Earth they got off track,
Encountered Pearl Forester who went on the attack…
Bridge Crew Roll Call
Janeway: "I am Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation Starship Voyager."
Chakotay: "All hands brace for impact!"
Doctor: "I'll reattach any severed limbs, just don't misplace them."
Harry: "Hi. My name's Harry read-me-like-a-book Kim."
Paris: "Captain Proton to the rescue!"
B'Elanna: "I must be completely paranoid about getting caught in a compromising position."
Seven: "You are strong, You will make an excellent mate!"
Tuvok: "Both must resolve their Pon Farr before it kills them."
{The screen opens on sickbay where the Doctor is seen moving from instrument to instrument. Paris is assisting.}
Doctor: "I still don't get it. Pearl should not have reverted from Pamela Anderson so quickly."
Paris (shrugging): "They have a deal with Paramount. So you have to figure they have some immunity from bad writing."
Doctor: "Still, it just doesn't make sense."
Paris: "We were dealing with the forces of Paramount. Sense doesn't really apply now does it?"
Doctor (letting his hands fall to their sides): "No, I suppose it doesn't."
Paris: "It's ok Doc. This let down will soon be forgotten in the pain of today's experiment."
Doctor (sarcastically): "Thanks now I can't wait."
Paris: "Jaded, cynical, and glowering. Now you are ready to watch Voyager."
Doctor (as Paris walks to the door and he walks to the console): "What do you mean by that?"
Paris (as he is leaving): "Watch it with an ounce of hope and you'll loose it. Go in expecting the worst and the occasional good scene is a pleasant surprise."
{The Doctor seems to consider that and nods as his holomatrix then fades and the shot goes to black.}
{The crew settle into their seats in the darkened theater (left to right) Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, B'Elanna, Seven, the Doctor materializing in his, Harry and Paris.}
Tuvok: "Unimatrix 0 Part 2. While the Borg are still terrifying it is no longer the fear of assimilation, but now the fear of overused and undermined villains."
Harry: "What about part 1?"
All (but Harry): "Shhhhhhh!"
{Clips from part one, showing the Borg Queen.}
B'Elanna: "Ok, did the Queen escape the closing conduit? Or is this a new one?"
Seven: "Even Paramount doesn't know."
{Clips of Seven with Axum.}
(B'Elanna turns Seven's head away and Seven nuzzles her shoulder.)
Janeway: "This is just adding insult to injury."
{A clip of Seven saying it is just a dream.}
Seven (as herself): More accurately a nightmare."
{Axum says he brought her there.}
Chakotay (as Axum): "All I had to do was sell my soul to Paramount."
Harry: "Woah, woah, woah. If he brought her to Unimatrix 0… well wouldn't that mean she was at least partially reconnected to the Collective? Why didn't the Queen just do that?"
Seven: "Well she DID send me that message in the cargo bay."
Harry: "Ahh, still. If Axum was able to reach out and snatch you back into the Unimatrix 0 then the Queen should have been able to do the same for the Collective."
Seven: "Yes, but the Queen is a corrupted relic of the good writing of First Contact. While Axum is a direct result of bad writing."
{Another clips of Seven in the conference room telling the crew that Unimatrix 0 is real.}
Seven (as herself): "and if we do not flee immediately we will be dragged into the episode."
{A clip of the Queen is shown saying that they will have to pay them a visit.}
Janeway: "I hope they at least call first."
{A clip of a Borg drone grabbing a woman.}
Doctor (as drone): "You can't get backstage with out a backstage pass!"
{Janeway is seen saying that the people are vulnerable with no ability to effect the outside world, and that they are going to give them that ability.}
B'Elanna: OK, OK we get the idea. You are making poorly veiled references to the internet!"
Tuvok: "Perhaps Paramount is deliberately making Voyager bad in order to get people watching less television."
B'Elanna: "Yeah, and they are producing Dr. Laura to promote tolerance."
{A clip of the Borg Queen on Voyager's view screen telling Janeway to tend to her own flock, and Janeway saying she can not do that.}
Janeway (as herself): "That idea was already covered in one of last seasons few good episodes."
{The clip of Seven asking Axum if they were more then friends, and of him nodding.}
Seven (as herself): "and I was less then sober, wasn't I?"
{A shot of the space battle where the Queen says she expected something more.}
Tuvok (as the Queen): "Which even the most basic tactical logic would say this is a deception, but I am somehow unable to access that information."
{The clip of B'Elanna being assimilated is shown.}
Paris (as the Drone): "Hey! This isn't the first time you've seen stuck with assimilation tubules is it?"
{Tuvok and Janeway are also seen getting assimilated, then all three are seen as drones.}
Seven (smiling slightly): "You are rather fetching as a drone."
(B'Elanna smirks and kisses Seven's occular implant.)
{The computer's (Majel's) voice is heard starting the conclusion.}
Janeway: "All that and were not even into the episode."
{A Borg tactical cube is seen flying through space.}
Chakotay: "Take a good look everyone. We never saw this type cube before this episode, and we will probably never see it again."
{The internal shot opens an innumerable drones moving about their tasks, then focuses on Tuvok.}
Paris: "A coldly logical being, more machine then man, moving about his tasks. How is this different from Voyager?"
{He walks up to B'Elanna and talks to her. When she responds it is discovered she has been given a subvocal processor.}
Seven: "I think it's rather cute."
{When Tuvok notes it B'Elanna says she can live with it.}
Doctor: "A rather blasé attitude towards assimilation."
{He tells B'Elanna that he had been separated from the captain, but they still must progress to the central plexus.}
B'Elanna: "So were allowed ourselves to be assimilated in order to get inside the ship?"
Tuvok: "Yes."
B'Elanna: "With out even trying to get there directly?"
Tuvok: "Yes."
(B'Elanna takes another breath to speak, but Tuvok interrupts her.)
Tuvok: "I believe any further speculation would prove disturbing."
{A shot is shown of the side of a drone's head as some new implant is inserted.}
Janeway: "Gee! I wonder who that is?"
{On the bridge Chakotay asks Paris for the time.}
Paris (as himself): "When I said I wouldn't give you the time of day I meant it!"
{He talks with the Doctor and the Doctor says their higher brain functions are stable.}
Doctor (as himself): "See, a flat line, nice and stable."
{In astrometrics Seven tells Chakotay that the cube will regenerate it's transwarp engines in two hours.}
Janeway: "So my plan hinged on us being assimilated and delivering the virus all in a space of hours?"
Seven: "At least they remembered that cubes regenerate."
{He tells her he wants her in Unimatrix 0 because they will be the first to know if the virus works, and when she seems hesitant he asks her if there is a problem.}
Chakotay (as himself): "Look, I know Axum is creepy, but we need you there."
{He says if she is having issues with them that she needs to set them aside.}
Chakotay (as himself): "It's not like it's a reasonable romantic plot."
Seven (as herself): "It is still an alarming display of misogyny."
{Seven walks into Cargo Bay 2 and steps into her alcove.}
Harry: "Hey? Where are the kids in all this? Couldn't they get the Unimatrix 0 mutation?"
Janeway: "It could be said that we didn't want to put them in such a potentially dangerous situation, but it is more likely that the writers didn't want to bother."
{In Unimatrix 0 Seven encounters a klingon who asks her about the virus.}
Seven (as herself): "It's on back order."
{He then tells her he has not seen her mate, and Seven says he is not her mate.}
B'Elanna (as the Klingon): "Who talking about him? I mean the fiery little klingon who can't take her eyes off you."
{She thinks he is not regenerating, and the klingon says he might be dead.}
Seven (as herself): "Don't get my hope up like that."
{The klingon says that if he dies in battle he was sure it was honorable.}
Chakotay (as the Klingon): "Of course it's more likely he died wetting himself and pleading for mercy."
{The klingon says that it is obvious her heart is in conflict.}
Seven (as herself): "Of course it is, Paramount is pounding on it with a sledgehammer."
{The klingon gives her advice as one who is a warrior in the bedchamber as well as the battlefield.}
Seven (as herself): "What is it with klingons and cheesy pickup lines?"
B'Elanna: "Hey!"
(Seven arches her brow and B'Elanna pouts. Then Seven softens her smile and pulls B'Elanna into a kiss.)
{The klingon says she must treat her heart as the enemy.}
Tuvok (as the klingon): "Since it lies in the hands of Paramount."
{Tuvok and B'Elanna walk down a hallway.}
Paris: "It's Drone and a half."
{They find the way to the central plexus and B'Elanna notes the shields Seven told them about.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "As opposed to the shields that our sensors detected, or that we encountered with other cubes."
Seven: "What other cubes? In all of my memories this is the first with a central plexus."
Harry: "That must be why we chose this cube. It's the only one that has one."
{They discover another drone and Tuvok is about to deactivate them when they discover it is Captain Janeway.}
Tuvok (as himself): "Let me try again."
Janeway: "That brings up the question about my blue laser, when the rest seem to be red ones."
B'Elanna: "I guess the Collective assimilated some style and tried a new look."
Seven: "Style is irrelevant."
(B'Elanna gives a pointed look up and down Seven's biosuit.)
Seven: "The Doctor designed my garment."
B'Elanna (pauses): "Thanks Doc."
{Tuvok hears the voices of the Collective.}
Tuvok (as himself): "At least I hope it's the Collective's voices."
{In the Queens chambers she says she heard Tuvok, but could not hear the others.}
Seven: "She is just noticing this now?"
Janeway: "Well she didn't read our minds and find our plan. So it fits into the whole lack of logic she seems to be suffering from."
{Three drones are seen walking through the Unimatrix 0 jungle.}
Paris: "In October of 2000. Three drones disappeared in the jungles of Unimatrix 0. One year later their cortical implants were found."
{A drone follows a Unimatrix 0 resident to where he runs into a trip wire and gets knocked down by a log, where he vanishes.}
Seven: "I will assume a drone's normal visual acuity is not available in Unimatrix 0."
Tuvok: "That and the protection normally provided by the Borg armor."
{It's shown that Axum is leading the group that set the traps.}
Chakotay: "Now we know why they work so well."
{They discover a net trap has went off, and it caught Seven.}
Janeway: "Brace for impact. Sickening scene incoming!"
{She orders him to release her and he says he doesn't know if he can.}
Doctor: "Someone's living out a power fantasy."
Seven: "If he calls me "doll" I believe I will trash the theater."
B'Elanna: "Correction… WE will trash the theater."
{He says he made the trap pretty strong.}
Seven (as herself): "Unlikely, if you thought that natural materials would be strong enough to contain a drone's enhanced frame."
{He asks her what she is doing out there.}
Seven (as herself): "I have been asking myself the same question."
{She says the klingon was worried because Axum was missing and he says that does not sound like him.}
Seven (standing up, and speaking as herself): "Well that is a common theme! Like my seeming ability to forget the person I have become on Voyager to turn into your love toy!"
Doctor (standing): "Seven?"
Seven (body locked tight with rage): "After the experiment I believe you should check my starburst implant for inflating instructions."
(B'Elanna stands up and motions the Doctor to sit back down as she rubs Seven's neck.)
{He cuts the net and she falls into his arms.}
(All of them sigh.)
Janeway: "At least it shows they have a basic grasp of symbolism."
B'Elanna (to Seven): "This would be easier if we sat down."
(Seven slumps, and nods as she sinks back into her seat and B'Elanna sides in behind her, continuing to rub her neck and shoulders.)
{She says she should return to camp and he offers to come with her, so the klingon won't worry.}
B'Elanna (sighing): "Already he is talking down to her. I want to get angry, but for that to happen I would have to expect something more."
Seven: "Do not worry. I will get angry enough for the both of us."
(B'Elanna actually grins at the statement and places a kiss at the top of Seven's neck. For her part Seven allows her muscles to relax and leans back into B'Elanna.)
{Back in the tactical cube Tuvok recalls a detail of his life to resist the call of the Collective, choosing the date of his birth.}
Harry: "A date, that will live in infamy."
{He tells her that if he succumbs to the Collective then she must deactivate him.}
Tuvok (as himself): That or remove my transceiver, but my death would be more dramatic."
{Janeway tells him to stay focused, stay Tuvok.}
Chakotay (as Tuvok): "Actually, I thought I might try being Lieutenant Commander Data for awhile."
{B'Elanna tells them that she managed to bypass the access codes.}
Janeway (as herself): "Where did you ever become so familiar with Borg technology?"
{They enter the central plexus and Tuvok hears the Collective again. He then looks closely at his reflection in the shiny part of the wall.}
Tuvok (as himself): "Captain, does being a drone make me look like some sort of reptile?"
{Paris enters the ready room and notes that they were supposed to give the away team two hours and it is two and a half.}
Seven: "They must have improved assimilation procedures."
Harry (as TV announcer): "BorgCrafters" Drones made in under an hour."
{Paris realizes that with Janeway and Tuvok off the ship he is acting first officer.}
Janeway: "My god he's right!"
Harry: "Maybe you'll want to reconsider MY promotion?"
{Paris says it is his opinion that they should pull them out before it is too late.}
(Janeway just smirks at Chakotay.)
{Paris gets and attitude and Chakotay calls him on it, but lets it pass.}
(Chakotay sticks his tongue out at Janeway.)
{They access the central plexus and B'Elanna uses her assimilation tubules to insert the virus.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "You know, these things are kind of useful. Think the Doctor would let me keep them?"
{Tuvok hears the voices again, and when he starts reciting facts about his daughter it shows the Borg Queen reciting them with him.}
Janeway (as the Queen): "Your daughter has been ignored for 98% of the series. She will not be able to help you now."
Tuvok (as himself): "I understand now, Voyager IS good television."
{On Voyager the doctor detects Tuvok's high brain functions destabilizing.}
Doctor (as himself): "Which is TOTALLY mixed up because we are dealing with the Collective which has imposed their own order every other time so far."
{Tuvok states his designation as 3 of 12 and when the Queen asks him his location he looks at the central plexus, which she sees through his eyes.}
B'Elanna (as the Queen): "If only there was some way for me to triangulate where the signal is coming from, but that technology will not be developed until earth's mid 1900's."
{They walk quickly away from 3 of 12.}
Janeway: "I guess running would be suspicious in the Borg cube where they have been alerted to our presence."
{3 of 12 knocks out B'Elanna and then catches Janeway and drags her off.}
Tuvok (as 3 of 12): "Nothing personal, just business."
{The Borg fire a torpedo at them and their shields will not raise. Chakotay realizes the Borg have their access codes and pulls the ship back.}
Harry: "Wow, the Borg are actually menacing."
B'Elanna: "Should we time how long it lasts?"
Janeway: "No, that would just upset us."
{The virus starts taking effect and the Queen starts loosing voices, including one of the drones in her chambers.}
Janeway: "Ok, credit where it's due that showed that the Unimatrix 0 went across all levels."
{Janeway is quickly led down a hallway.}
Chakotay (as a drone): "Young lady, you are doing to tell the Queen EXACTLY what you did."
{Janeway is put in an alcove and scanned into a holographic representation and beamed into the Queens chamber where she and the Queen argue.}
Janeway: "ANOTHER good scene. They better be careful they only can do so many per season."
{On the bridge Chakotay tells Seven to try to find others on the cube containing Janeway, B'Elanna and Tuvok.}
Seven (as herself): "There are none. The other drones don't like to play with them."
{The Doctor tells her he wants to make some modifications to her alcove, and the does so after they are in Cargo Bay 2. As he does he says he envies her leading a double life.}
Janeway: "Ahh yes, the respectable woman who leads a double life to be with her man. Yep, they understand symbolism."
{She says that after the crisis ends she plans on severing her connection to Unimatrix 0, and the Doctor asks her why.}
Doctor (as himself): "Well I mean BESIDES the whole creepy ex-boyfriend thing."
{The Doctor realizes her reaction to Axum and notes her physiological responces at the mention of his name.}
Doctor (as himself): "You also grind your teeth and clench your fists."
{Seven states that she and Axum apparently had a relationship.}
Seven (as herself): "Just like President Clinton did not."
{She says the Doctor's diagnosis is accurate.}
Seven (as herself): "Please scan for sources of outside influence."
{The Doctor and Seven talk about Axum.}
B'Elanna: "You have to wonder how much more bad script Ryan and Picardo's talent can keep aloft."
{The Doctor asks her that if she was involved with Axum once it would seem to say he was a worthwhile individual.}
Seven (as herself): "No, because I fail to see how he could be considered worthwhile at all."
{Seven says he has commendable qualities.}
Seven (as herself): "I just fail to see what they are."
{The Doctor says that she is entitled to some ambivalence, but that she may find a time she wants to give the romance a second chance.}
B'Elanna: "Speaking of Seven's sweethearts… where the hell am I?"
Paris: "Poor plot limbo."
{The Doctor says Axum is a lucky man.}
Seven (as herself): "That would imply I had the freedom to choose him."
{In Unimatrix 0 they plan an attack on the Queen. Seven tries to get help for the Voyager crew members, and when the klingon objects Axum defends her.}
B'Elanna: "Of course! Brave Axum defends fair Annika!"
Seven (as B'Elanna is still snuggled behind her in the seat she just lays her hand on the klingon's knee): "It is apparent that who I was and who I am cease to exist inside Unimatrix 0 and I am simply who they want me to be."
{Axum reveals he is on a scout ship patrolling the edge of fluidic space on the other side of the galaxy.}
Seven (as herself): "Woo hoo! I mean oh no!"
{Seven says she was eager to meet him in the real world.}
Seven (as herself): "I wanted to kill you with my own two hands."
{Seven mentions a list of things they wanted to see if they ever got out of the Collective.}
B'Elanna: "Woah, woah, woah, back this up… she went from "apparently" having a romance to remembering a list they made together?"
{Seven takes Axum's hand.}
Seven (putting her hand in back of her over B'Elanna's eyes): "Don't look."
{Seven and Axum kiss.}
Paris: "Why not? That was no Annika kissing Axum. That was the actress Jeri Ryan kissing, whoever the heck plays Axum. I guess we found the point where the lack of talent in the script overpowers the overflowing talent in the acting."
{In Unimatrix 0 a child runs into the Borg Queen and they talk.}
Janeway: "Well Susanna Thompson's talent has never been in doubt, and here is a case in point. She can be comforting, yet creepy at the same time."
{The Queen shows Janeway a mutated version of Voyager's own nanovirus that will kill the inhabitants of Unimatrix Zero.}
Doctor: "Why doesn't she just program the nanovirus to attack the part of their brain that allows them to enter Unimatrix Zero?"
{On the bridge they get minimal systems running and Chakotay orders them to begin looking for the away team.}
Harry (as himself): "Well the Borg cube DID regenerate its transwarp capability and can now be nearly anywhere in the universe? Shall I begin a search pattern?
{In sickbay a holographic Janeway tells the crew that Unimatrix 0 must surrender and be reassimilated.}
Doctor (as himself): "Why Captain, I don't think you've ever looked more beautiful."
{After she leaves Chakotay says that she gave them a different order then the apparent one to surrender
Unimatrix 0.}
Chakotay (as himself): "At least that's how I chose to hear the order."
{On the bridge a transwarp conduit opens and Paris orders evasive maneuvers.}
Janeway (hyperventilating): "Paris… is… controlling… my… bridge!"
{A sphere appears and hails them. It turns out to be the klingon from Unimatrix Zero who is there to join them.}
All: "Klingon Guy to the rescue!"
B'Elanna: "I knew he was ok the second he threatened to kill Axum!"
{Seven and the klingon guy disrupt Unimatrix 0 while their ships attack the cube holding Voyager's crew.}
Janeway: "One."
Janeway: "Two."
Janeway:" Three."
Chakotay: "Captain?"
Janeway: "Just counting how many times over the Queen could have had the Drone's around my alcove deactivate me."
{B'Elanna shows up again, and brings up an image of Voyager; the shot then changes to a shot of Seven.}
Paris: "I bet she brought up that image too."
{Seven runs from astrometrics and into her alcove where she enters a rapidly crumbling Unimatrix 0.}
Seven: "WHAT! I abandoned my post!"
(The crew stares at her.)
Seven (blushing): "I apologize for my outburst."
B'Elanna (grinning): "Don't worry, your entitled."
{She finds him and he says she shouldn't be there, and she say that neither should he.}
Harry (as Axum): "But Seven, you are a well written, excellently portrayed character while I am a hollow avatar of an idiot."
{Unimatrix 0 continues to disintegrate around them and Axum swears he will find her.}
Seven (as thinking to herself): "Great, now I'm going to have to file a restraining order."
{Tuvok, Janeway and B'Elanna are recovering in sickbay when Seven enters and they talk about the resistance when Janeway asks her if she has heard from Axum. Seven says that she hasn't and does not expect to.}
Seven (as herself): "I have taken up prayer in order to pray that I do not."
{Seven says that Janeway would remind her if she ever refers to Axum as just a friend.}
Janeway (as herself): "So he will be known as the "subject" on the restraining order?"
Seven (as herself): "That or the defendant in the stalking case."
Seven: "Now if you will excuse me. It is time for B'Elanna's sponge bath."
B'Elanna: "Huh?"
{The screen goes blank as the crew stands and the holodeck reverts to its normal grid. Smiling, Seven takes B'Elanna's hand and leads her from the holodeck.}
B'Elanna (smiling): "Oh."
{On the bridge the camera focuses on Janeway sitting in her command chair, and then pulls back to show the rest of the crew at their bridge stations.}
Janeway: "So what have we learned?"
Seven: "That Braga doesn't know a thing about romance, and makes a fool of himself when he thinks otherwise."
B'Elanna: "That the linear progression of time only happens when you are on the screen."
Doctor: "That assimilation is an advancement of the Lee press on nail technology."
Chakotay: "That the first officer's chair carries the curse to make your objections come out more arrogant then they should be."
Paris: "That I can be one of the background characters and still be a pain in the ass."
Harry: "That my actually being a capable officer forever bars me from getting promoted."
Tuvok: "That the writers did not forget my back-story, they simply choose to ignore it."
Janeway: "I learned two things. First that neither I no Tuvok look good as drones. Secondly I learned I can still kick ass even as a hologram."
B'Elanna: "What about me?"
Seven: "You were adorable."
B'Elanna: "Really?"
Seven (smirking): "Really."
{Unnoticed on the screen Pearl and Bobo look confusedly at the crew then at each other.}
Pearl: "Their smiling?"
Bobo: "Should we tell Mr. Axum his episode didn't work?"
Pearl (grinning): "Let me."
Pearl (vanishing off screen): "Soooo Axum! Have you heard of a man saying they could make a gay woman straight? Well you have seemed to have had the opposite effect. Yep, you managed to scare any possible traces of heterosexuality out of Seven…"
B'Elanna (pushing the button): "Not just her."
{Fade to black.}
{The shot of the Doctor and Seven in Cargo Bay as the Doctor speak. "You are very particular about who you choose to spend your time with, Seven."}