Comments to wyldchilde37@yahoo.com
Wyld's Notes: A special thanks to both Elf and Half of One. When they both recommended this episode I knew I had to do it, and fortunately I had kept it in my Voyager library.
Disclaimer: This is done for purely entertainment purposes only, no profit is being made or is intended to. This is not meant to infringe upon the rights held by Paramount, Best Brains, or any others. Any other rights are reserved. This story features B'Elanna Torres and Seven of Nine in a loving relationship if you object to such things you may as well move on.
(Sung to the Love Theme to Mystery Science Theater 3000)
Sometime in the Distant Future
Round the end of season three
Voyager found itself in Borg space
Drones as far as the eye could see
Then they lucked out and met a drone
Who got the Collective to leave them alone
Then on the way back to Earth they got off track,
Encountered Pearl Forester who went on the attack…
Bridge Crew Roll Call
Janeway: "I am Captain Kathryn Janeway, of the Federation Starship Voyager."
Chakotay: "All hands brace for impact!"
Doctor: "I'll reattach any severed limbs, just don't misplace them."
Harry: "Hi. My name's Harry read-me-like-a-book Kim."
Paris: "Captain Proton to the rescue!"
B'Elanna: "I must be completely paranoid about getting caught in a compromising position."
Seven: "You are strong, You will make an excellent mate!"
Tuvok: "Both must resolve their Pon Farr before it kills them."
{The bridge of Voyager in normal Alpha Shift with B'Elanna at the auxiliary engineering station and Seven at her post behind the command chairs.}
Seven: "Sensors indicate a disruption in the time-space continuum."
Janeway: "On screen."
{A blackened vortex, dark even in relation to the void of space swirls into existence. Then like a bubble rising from pitch a vessel is expelled.}
Tuvok: "Sensors indicate it is the USS Voyager."
Janeway: "Voyager?"
Tuvok: "From the series."
Janeway: "Red alert! Raise shields and power up weapons."
Harry: "We're being hailed."
Janeway: "On screen."
{The viewscreen of Voyager comes to life with the bridge of Voyager.}
Series-Janeway: "I'm Captain Kathryn Janeway."
Janeway: "I thought you looked familiar, vaguely so, but familiar."
Series-Janeway: "I beg your pardon."
Janeway: "Does the name Michael Sullivan mean anything to you?"
(The Series-Janeway's eyes soften and Janeway shudders.)
Tuvok: "Shall I lock on weapons?"
Janeway: "No, no while destroying them would be a kindness, their ship is powered by bad writing, and they could only be destroyed by a committee vote."
Series-Janeway: "Could I ask what you are talking about?"
Janeway (sounding sad): "You really don't know. Do you?"
(The Series-Janeway looks confused.)
Paris: "Captain, if they were destroyed there would be no more episodes to watch!"
(The rest of the Series-Crew looks confused.)
Series-Chakotay: "Episodes?"
(The crew shake their heads.)
Janeway: "Poor, poor fools."
{The viewscreen splits to show the inside of the Widowmaker, with Pearl Forester grinning at both the crews.}
Pearl: "Well now! TWO packs of Starfleet flunkies, sounds like a GREAT idea!"
Series-Janeway: "I'm Captain…"
Pearl: "I know who you are!"
Pearl (to Janeway): "Not very imaginative is she?"
Janeway (to Pearl): "What can you expect from Paramount?"
(Pearl nods, and shrugs.)
Pearl: "Well it's time to double your Voyager and double your pain. Now get in the theater!"
Series-Janeway: "I can't allow you to harm them."
Pearl: "I have a contract with Paramount."
Series-Tuvok: "Sensors indicate she IS immune to our weaponry."
{Pearl laughs as red alert sounds and the crew get into the turbolift while the Series-Crew continues to look confused.}
{The crew settle into their seats in the darkened theater (left to right) Janeway, Chakotay, Tuvok, B'Elanna, Seven, the Doctor, Harry and Paris.}
Harry: "Not best and brightest of the Fleet are they?"
Janeway: "They are products of the Paramount era. With the emphasis on "product."
Paris: "Kind of like Star Trek Velveeta. Processed sci-fi show."
Harry: "Mush with an overdone flavor?"
Tuvok: "That seems an accurate description."
B'Elanna: "Seems a shame though… I mean TWO Sevens?"
(Seven arches her brow, which causes B'Elanna to grin.)
Chakotay: "Course: Oblivion" Most episodes are content driving into the ground. I guess this one is going straight to hell."
Doctor: "Why would Pearl have a contract with Paramount?"
Janeway: "You know how they feel about independent use of their copyrights. I guess they wanted an independent Voyager crew in as much pain as possible."
Doctor: "They're succeeding."
{The screen comes to life with the image of a wedding cake with replicas of Tom and B'Elanna being carted through the mess hall.}
B'Elanna: "S…s…Seven?"
Seven (taking B'Elanna in her arms): "It's ok, I'm here."
Paris (as the guy from Aliens): "GAME OVER MAN! GAME OVER!"
{Harry is seen in dress uniform playing Night and Day on his clarinet.}
Paris (as himself): "Hey Harry, could you play something a little LESS cheery?"
Harry (as himself): "How about a nice funeral dirge?"
Paris (as himself): "Perfect!"
{Other crewmembers are seen in normal uniform.}
B'Elanna: "The rest of the crew must know how big a sham this wedding is so they didn't bother getting into their dress uniforms."
{The Doctor and Seven are seen talking.}
Doctor (as himself): "No I will not tell you where Tom is, and what are you doing with a phaser?"
{Neelix joins them and asks why he is not supposed to cook the rice. The Doctor tells him they are showering the couple, not garnishing them.}
Paris: "Why not? I'm already acting like a turkey."
B'Elanna: "I would have said ass, but we don't eat donkeys."
{The Doctor tells them to smile.}
Seven (as herself): "You are lucky I am not crying."
{Chakotay escorts B'Elanna in on his arm.}
B'Elanna: "What they don't see is the restraint on my wrist that's keeping me from running away."
{Neelix walks up to Harry and says red alert.}
Tuvok (as Neelix): "We are expecting Seven of Nine to attempt to kidnap her here."
{The shot changes to Janeway holding tom by the arm and telling him his bachelor days are over.}
Paris (sobbing as himself): "OH GOD!"
Harry (as Paris): "When do the security officers put down their rifles?"
Janeway (as herself): "Once you've done the right thing young man."
{She asks if he's having second thoughts. He says second, third and fourth.}
Seven (as Paris): "Then Seven assimilated me and everything seemed so clear. I'm going to go break it off now, excuse me."
{The Doctor says he never thought he'd see the day, Seven says she thought it would end in homicide rather then matrimony.}
Seven (as herself): "But Commander Tuvok proved better at protecting Mr. Paris then I had anticipated."
{Tuvok says that matters of the human heart often go beyond logic.}
All: "Especially this one!"
{Janeway says they are there to celebrate the marriage of two of Voyager's finest.}
Chakotay: "Then what's Paris doing there?"
Seven (to Janeway): "You may wish to take notes."
{Janeway says she had been asked to forego the traditional painsticks for a more traditional ceremony.}
Tuvok: "That is a rather unenlightened view, as that ceremony would be quite traditional to a klingon."
B'Elanna: "Yes, but this was before the Barge of the Dead where I got in touch with my roots."
Doctor: "That does raise the question why you didn't under go cosmetic surgery to hide your klingon features?"
B'Elanna: "Because I am not as ashamed of them as this show paints me."
{Harry says they are saving them for the honeymoon.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "No, Tom's death will be swift and painless."
{Janeway says that as captain the honor of joining the two has fallen to her.}
Janeway (as herself): "Please don't kill me Seven."
{She says they have done their own vows.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "You bleeping, bleep! I am going to bleep your bleeping bleep your bleeping bleep!"
{Paris says he still doesn't know what he did to deserve her.}
Harry: "Well you did blackmail the writers…"
Paris: "Shut up Harry!"
Seven (as Paris): "Except for enduring Seven of Nine's repeated attempts on my life."
{Paris says he will honor her and stand by her, till death do they part.}
Paris (as himself): "Which will probably be just long enough for Seven to set a phaser to kill."
Harry (as Paris): "Or until there is something good on TV."
{B'Elanna says Paris stood by her when most would have run for the nearest airlock.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "So I am going to have to shove you in."
{She says he was willing to see past her shortcomings.}
Seven: "Loving someone is not about seeing past their shortcomings, but being able to love their faults just as much as the rest of them."
Janeway: "Let's be fair, they have pretty much come right out and say they don't have a clue about romance."
Chakotay: "Didn't Braga say that?"
Janeway: "Yes, but he's not the only one there, and the rest seem unwilling, or unable to help him."
{She says he made her a better person.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Now I found someone who's going to make me perfect."
Tuvok: "Considering the character of Mister Paris I find that unlikely."
{Janeway pronounces them man and wife.}
Seven (as herself): "What about the part about objecting to their union?"
{Paris and Torres kiss, and the crew applauds, Janeway saying bravo.}
Janeway (as herself): "I almost believed there was some emotion there."
{Torres throws the bouquet and Seven catches.}
B'Elanna: "Great! First they marry me off to Captain Proton, next thing you know they'll be making a "proper" lady out of Seven. Probably marrying her off to Captain Photon."
Doctor: "Hey!"
Seven: "That is not true, Brannon Braga will not turn me into a serving wench until his avatar appears at the end of season 6."
B'Elanna: "Is that supposed to make me feel better?"
Seven: "It was, but it has only served to make me feel worse."
(B'Elanna who has been snuggling with Seven since the start of the show pulls Seven closer.)
{Torres and Paris run out of the mess hall as the crew throws rice.}
Tuvok (as himself): "Seven of Nine, you are supposed to take the rice out of the bag before you throw it at Tom Paris."
Doctor (as himself): "Wait a minute! Is that a rock?"
{The rice falls through the deck to the Jefferies tube below.}
Janeway: "So the rice had enough mass to fall through, but the crew did not?"
{In her ready room Janeway talks with Chakotay about how their new warp engine could get them home in two years, but only if the don't go exploring, both of them saying that Seven will complain.}
B'Elanna (sighing): "Tell me about it. She just isn't willing to learn that foreplay is NOT irrelevant!"
{In the mess hall Paris and Neelix go over possible holo-programs for the honeymoon. Neelix suggesting a resort with crickets whose music is said to be an auditory aphrodisiac.}
B'Elanna: "If I'm there with Paris there better be a whole bunch of crickets."
Paris (as himself): "Thank you, but I think I'll stick with Barry White."
{He says that he and B'Elanna do not need aphrodisiacs.}
Paris (as himself): "I mean it's not like B'Elanna is even going to be willing to be in the same room with me."
{Paris says he wants to have their honeymoon on Earth in the 1920's.}
(In a single loud clap all three women of Voyager manage to hit Tom Paris in the back of the head simultaneously, driving the man to the floor.)
Paris: "HEY! What I do?"
Harry: "Sorry Tom, but I have to agree with them. It would be like a guy taking his wife to the Baseball Hall of Fame for their honeymoon."
Paris (getting back into his seat): "Yeah, but HE chose it, not ME!"
B'Elanna: "Ok, so what would you have chosen?"
(Paris looks stunned.)
B'Elanna: "Too late."
(B'Elanna hits Tom in the back of the head again.)
Tuvok: "Of course the fact he is planning it with Neelix instead of his bride is already a poor decision on his part."
Paris: "I probably just want to surprise her."
Seven: "That only benefit of your "surprise" would be that B'Elanna will be left a widow."
{Paris tells Neelix that Earth has everything someone could want in a planet.}
Tuvok: "On behalf of every other member in the Federation of Planets I believe I can say that Earth is welcome to you."
{Neelix says he sounds like a brochure and he says he's just a native.}
Janeway: "On behalf of Earth I can say we don't want him."
{As the shots switches to engineering B'Elanna and Seven are seen walking into view.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Seven, I'm a married woman now. I can't do this… again."
{B'Elanna goes over the specifications and Seven tells her that she doesn't need to go over information Seven already has.}
B'Elanna (softly as herself): "I guess I just don't wanna leave."
Paris: "I thought this was supposed to be funny."
(B'Elanna and Seven shrug.)
B'Elanna: "It is, in a dramatic sort of way."
{Seven tells B'Elanna to enjoy her honeymoon.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "No, Seven I don't want to leave like that."
{B'Elanna says Seven does not understand the engine's personality.}
Seven (as herself): "This is Voyager, Personality is Irrelevant."
{They discover an engine fluctuation and B'Elanna says she is not on leave for another 20 minutes."
B'Elanna (as herself): "Come on, we have just enough time to sneak in a quickie."
{In the Jefferies Tube B'Elanna climbs down, then turns around and asks Seven who the lucky guy is as she climbs down the ladder.}
Harry: "I see I'm not the only one that enjoys the view."
B'Elanna: "Harry, best to drop that train of thought."
Janeway (as Seven): "Guy? What possible use would I have for a guy?"
Seven (emotional as herself): "Don't you even realize?"
{Seven says the Doctor informed her of the bouquet superstition.}
Seven (as herself): "He then proposed and I was forced to delete his matrix."
{B'Elanna suggests Harry Kim.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "It would be perfect! While they are off doing their thing… we could be doing ours."
{Seven says she doesn't understand the point of monogamous relationships.}
B'Elanna: "WHAT?"
Seven: "She said it. Not me."
(B'Elanna pulls out of the snuggle and sulks.)
{Seven says she would rather remain open to social situations with a variety of individuals.}
Paris (as Eric Idle): "Know what I mean? Wink, Wink, Nudge, Nudge."
Doctor: "Why you little vixen!"
B'Elanna: "Keep talking missy, you're just digging deeper!"
Harry: "Go easy on her B'Elanna. She's probably just trying to talk you into cheating on Tom."
Janeway: "At ease B'Elanna, this is probably just Braga trying to justify his attitude towards women."
{Seven says that marriage limits ones romantic interactions, a situation she finds would cause monotony, and B'Elanna says they are glad they have had this talk.}
B'Elanna (snuggling back into Seven's arms and speaking as herself): "I'm just going to have to work that much harder to make an honest woman out of you."
{They get to a hatchway and can not open it until Seven uses the manual release where they find the tube had lost molecular cohesion. B'Elanna then says that means the honeymoon is off.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Seven? Did you destabilize the ship just to disrupt my honeymoon?"
{In the conference room B'Elanna addresses the crew and tells them their enhanced warp field is emitting a field that is breaking down the ships molecular structure.}
Paris: "Wait, wouldn't it blow up?"
Tuvok: "No, that is the atomic structure, the ship is essentially melting with out the presence of heat."
Chakotay: "Perhaps we should add translating technobabble to your job description?"
{Janeway asks about turning off the warp field but B'Elanna says it had no effect.}
Harry: "Not even to slow it down? So the field set off the "melting" on the first exposure and that's it?"
{B'Elanna is seen walking into darkened crew quarters.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Seven? You here?"
{B'Elanna takes off her uniform tunic.}
(Seven slowly reaches over and starts to pull B'Elanna close. B'Elanna just smiling and snuggling up.)
{B'Elanna starts her chief engineer's log and lets out a gasp.}
B'Elanna: "Seven! No tickling!"
Harry: "Seven isn't on the screen."
B'Elanna: "I'm not talking about the show."
(Seven just sits there with a smirk on her face.)
{B'Elanna asks the computers about a sudden temperature drop.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "It's like someone walked across my grave. Or sat down to write the next Voyager script."
{B'Elanna steps into the bathroom.}
(Seven perks up.)
{B'Elanna looks in the mirror.}
B'Elanna: "Sorry, no repeat of Juggernaut's shower scene."
(Seven pouts.)
{B'Elanna looks in the mirror.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Oh jeez! Seven left a hickey!"
{On B'Elanna's cheek a shimmering is seen.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Note to self, swapping spit with Seven includes the risk of picking up some of her nanites."
{Harry and Tom are walking down the hall where Tom tells Harry he has to go have dinner with B'Elanna, and Harry calls him domesticated.}
B'Elanna: "What? So a girl has to marry Tom to get him to show up to dinner?"
{Upon entering their quarters Tom tells B'Elanna that if they are going to life together they will have to compromise on the temperature.}
Seven: "If he can't stand the heat he should get out of the bedroom."
Janeway: "I see it is going to be one of the modern marriages where they don't live under the same roof."
{He finds B'Elanna huddled and shivering in the bathroom.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "I'm married to Paris, I'm married to Paris! Why can't I wake up?"
{Tom is seen carrying B'Elanna into sickbay where two other crewmembers are in a similar condition.}
B'Elanna: "What? Did Tom marry them too?"
{The sensor from a medical tricorder is seen making a slow pan up B'Elanna's blanket covered body.}
Seven: "She is allowed the blanket so it seems tolerable."
B'Elanna: "Still, I am supposed to be sick and dying. The body shot seems in poor taste."
{A close up shot of Tom's concerned face.}
Paris (as his own internal monologue): "Why does she always do this? I want to have dinner and rather then cook she has to go and start dying on me?"
{The shot changes to Janeway in the Doctor's office where they talk about acute cellular degradation.}
Paris: "I blame the cellular strike."
Doctor (as himself): "The cellular degradation I could handle, but when it went acute I was lost."
Janeway (as herself): "I guess we shouldn't be surprised, after all the degradation the writers have put the character through I guess it was just a matter of time until it caught up to her."
{The Doctor reveals that all of the crew is suffering the degradation, but those that were closest to the warp field were the worse off.}
Tuvok: "So they are saying the length of exposure does not matter. Since turning off the engine would not have helped, but proximity to the source does matter."
Harry: "That and that subspace is influenced by things like deck plating, because it is supposed to be a subspace energy."
{The Doctor tells her that it is only a matter of time until she starts showing the same symptoms.}
Seven (as Janeway): "I'm going to flip out and marry Tom Paris?"
{In the mess hall they learn that something 30-40 weeks previous caused the degradation and anything brought on the ship after that was fine. Then in astrometrics Tuvok and Chakotay go over what Tuvok calls noteworthy events.}
Tuvok: "Doctor, would you administer a pain reliever? The episode's illogic is causing me extreme discomfort."
Doctor (walking over to Tuvok's seat and using a hypospray on him): "Of course. I think the episode is giving us all a headache."
Tuvok: "Thank you. Now since the cause of the degradation is unknown, all events are possibly noteworthy."
Chakotay: "They probably just want to narrow things down."
Tuvok: "Seven of Nine's ability with data would alleviate any problems, and it would be a time that her abilities could be highlighted with out undermining the rest of the crew."
Chakotay: "Ok, ok. They just can't write a decent story to save their lives."
{In sickbay a sullen Tom approaches B'Elanna's biobed.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "If this is going to be a touching moment could you just have the Doctor perform some euthanasia?"
{Tom says hey, and B'Elanna says it back.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Hey, have you seen Seven?"
{He asks her how his old lady is.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "Now the hell would I know. I have no idea who she is."
{He hands her a flat rectangle and she asks what it is.}
Paris (as himself): "The pregnancy test, I'm pregnant."
{He says it is their honeymoon and she asks him to tell her about it. He goes on to describe a honeymoon in 1928 Chicago.}
B'Elanna (as herself): "What kind of a crappy idea is that? Shouldn't it be something we are both interested in?"
{B'Elanna's lifesigns start to drop and Paris calls for the Doctor.}
Paris (as himself): "I guess she wasn't kidding when she said she'd rather die then go on that honeymoon."
{B'Elanna dies and Paris tries to bring her back even after the Doctor gives up.}
Doctor (as himself): "It is in her living will, if she ends up married to Tom Paris no extraordinary measures will be made to save her life."
B'Elanna (as herself, dead): "The agreement was until death do us part. Now I'm free to date again."
{In astrometrics Tuvok says 9 months, 28 days.}
Doctor: "That baby's taking too long."
Janeway: "The whole episode is taking too long."
{Tuvok mentions the demon planet and Chakotay says how they had to set down.}
Tuvok (as himself): "I know, I was there.}
{Tuvok beings up the planets bio-mimetic compound.}
Chakotay: "I know, I was there."
{Tuvok and Chakotay enter sickbay and give the Doctor a list of demon planet materials to scan for in B'Elanna's remains.}
Doctor: "Now here would be the perfect place to being the audience up to speed when I ask why."
Tuvok: "So of course the moment is ignored for earlier exposition."
Doctor (sighing): "Of course."
{The Doctor asks what this is all about and Tuvok says they have a disturbing theory.}
Tuvok (as himself): "Which the audience already knows about so I am not going to restate it."
Doctor (as himself): "Why not? It wouldn't be the first time."
{Chakotay gets the Doctor to inject her with a catalyst, and she melts to a silvery liquid.}
Paris (as Arnold): "She's made of liquid metal."
B'Elanna (as herself): "Ahh, I'm melting, melting, what a world, what a world…"
Harry: "Seven, You don't seem too upset about B'Elanna dying."
Seven: "She married Tom Paris, I believe death is a kindness."
B'Elanna: "Hear, hear."
{The shot opens on sickbay showing the Doctor, Janeway, Tuvok and Chakotay around a canister of gray liquid the Doctor calls the primordial soup.}
Doctor (as himself): "New, from Campbell's."
{They learn that they are copies of the Voyager crew that forgot they were duplicates and set a course back for Earth.}
Doctor: "How would I have forgotten? The fact that I am a program allows for total recall."
{The theaters shakes and the holo-grid flickers as the doors open and red alert sirens can be heard.}
Janeway: "We ran into something. Let's get to the bridge."
{The scene fades on the crew running from the theater.}
{On the bridge the crew can be seen at their stations frantically working as the bridge bucks and shakes.}
Seven: "We have ran into a plot hole. It is attempting to draw us in so that it may destroy our logic and remove any intelligent elements!"
Janeway: "Full reverse thrusters!"
Tuvok: "Sensors indicate the other Voyager is unaffected while the Widowmaker is being drawn in."
Janeway (pausing): "and this is supposed to surprise me?"
Janeway: "Lock a tractor beam on the other Voyager!"
Tuvok: "We are being held stationary, but the other Voyager is hailing us."
Series-Janeway: "Hold on, we have detected a portal to our own reality and are brining you through."
All: "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Janeway: "Mr. Paris, ram them set us at an angle so that when we bounce back we will be clear of the distortion."
Tuvok: "Captain, the Widowmaker has passed through the edge of the anomaly."
Janeway: "No time for that now, Mr. Paris?"
Paris: "We have managed to clear the anomaly, but it is causing a draining away our power."
B'Elanna: "Working on it."
Paris: "We're clear."
Janeway: "Hail the Widowmaker."
Harry: "The other Voyager has entered the anomaly with no visible effect."
{The viewscreen comes to life with the inside of the Widowmaker, but it has Pamela Anderson Lee there dressed like Pearl, and a little monkey dressed like Bobo.}
Pamela: "Hi, I took time out of my busy schedule shooting my wonderful show VIP to come over and host your viewing experience, and so has Bobo."
Pamela (snuggling the monkey and then holding him up towards the crew): "Haven't ya? Yes you have. Yes you have."
Seven: "I want to go back in the theater."
B'Elanna: "Me too."
{The crew runs for the exit while Pamela Lee talks baby talk with the monkey.}
{The crew is seen retaking their seats.}
Paris: "Well it could have been worse."
B'Elanna: "How?"
Paris: "It could have been Jennifer Love Hewit."
(They all shudder.)
Doctor: "Luckily the effect is purely temporary. She will be back to Pearl by the next experiment."
Chakotay: "The next? What about this one?"
Doctor (bleakly): "It will still be Mrs. Lee."
Harry: "Permission to camp in here until the next experiment?"
{Janeway says that they didn't think the engines would be a problem because the radiation wouldn't be harmful to humanoids, but that they weren't humanoids.}
Janeway (as herself): "We also determined that it wouldn't effect all the highly sensitive equipment that is getting knocked out by radiation every other episode. That's why we didn't consider shielding."
{Janeway determines that they will find a safe Y class planet to use while they try to find a cure for the degradation.}
Seven: "Why don't they use the maps from astrometrics? They would have found at least one Y class planet closer then the original demon planet."
Chakotay: "Be careful Seven. Too much thinking when dealing with the series can be hazardous."
{Janeway addresses the crew and explains the situation, Harry asking if their memories are not real.}
Harry (as himself): "Oh thank God! The past seasons really have been just a nightmare.}
{Janeway says they are continuing their mission, and Paris asks what that is.}
Paris: "I'm about to get whiny, aren't I."
{Harry tries to console Tom and he says it doesn't matter.}
Paris: "Ok, this is bad. Even I want to kick my ass right now."
{Paris says that they don't have to listen to Janeway since she is not really the captain.}
Janeway: "Well he's true to the original. Just LOOKING to disobey orders."
Paris (as himself): "She's not my real mom!"
Seven: "That must be the explanation for the marriage. The duplicates are mentally flawed."
Harry: "No, that's regular Tom Paris."
Paris: "Hey!"
{Paris tells Harry that he is just an imposter to the real Harry, and Harry asks if they are just supposed to sit around until they disintegrate.}
Paris (as himself): "Sounds like a plan."
{The shot changes to Janeway's quarters where she is seen arranging some flowers.}
B'Elanna: "Isn't it that if you want to be a florist you are supposed to be nuts?"
{Chakotay enters and tells her they have lost three more people. He then argues they should turn around and head to the demon planet and she argues against it. At which point he says that he didn't think Janeway would sacrifice her crew's lives to get back to Earth.}
Chakotay (as himself): "Right?"
{Several seconds pause.}
All (but Janeway): "RIGHT?"
{The shot changes to the mess hall where a triage is set up. The Doctor and Janeway walk among the patients telling her all he has tried to do to stop the melting.}
Doctor: "I am about to the point that I am considering sticking a few of them in the freezer."
{The Doctor suggests finding the original Voyager to imprint their mimetic structures with.}
Paris (as himself): "Well… I'm going to need some dirty magazines."
{In the mess hall they get a call that they have found a class Y planet.}
Doctor: "I am still trying to understand the significance of a class Y planet. We can simulate numerous environments. Why not that one?"
Harry: "Well, I guess the planet of our origin has something special about it"
Doctor: "Then this other class Y planet would be useless."
Harry: "Yes, but it gives them something to fill the space between commercials."
{When they approach the planet a ship rises.}
Chakotay (as the other ship): "Oh no you don't! No easy plot solutions for you!"
{The ship fires on them several times and then Janeway introduces herself.}
Janeway: "My duplicate must have not picked up my lessons from the academy, because the instructors seemed to agree that diplomacy works better BEFORE the shooting starts."
{They have an opportunity to destroy the alien vessel but Janeway won't. Paris then says that planet is their only hope of survival and that he didn't understand why they were still following her orders.}
Janeway (as herself): "Perhaps because I am the copy of a highly trained and well experienced captain and not the copy of a soiled little fly boy?"
Paris (sounding hurt) "Captain?"
Janeway: "YOU have outgrown that Mister Paris, your duplicate has not."
Paris: "The liquid metal one? Or the series one?"
Janeway: "Is there a difference?"
{Janeway goes to her ready room and Chakotay follows her. She then says she may have had to take some insubordination from Paris, but she shouldn't have to from him.}
Tuvok: "Actually military discipline expects lesser ranking officers to obey orders with out question. While the higher ranking officers are allowed more leeway to express their opinions."
{In her ready room they argue about heading back to the demon planet and then Chakotay seems to fluctuate. The scene jumps to sickbay where Chakotay dies.}
Doctor (as himself): "Well that was one way to get out of the conversation."
{Janeway comes on the bridge and tells them that they lost Chakotay. She then tells them to turn around and head for the demon planet.}
Chakotay: "Well now I know that all I need to do to win an argument with the Captain is die."
{In the conference room Janeway, Harry, Neelix, and Seven meet. Harry telling that the holographic projectors have degraded and they lost the Doctor.}
Doctor (as Janeway): "Every one of them? Every single holographic projector on the ship?"
Harry (as himself): "Every single one."
{She asks Tom's current condition.}
All (even Paris): "Still a jerk!"
{Janeway tells the crew that she wants to download their records into a signal beacon.}
Janeway: "We have had nearly 15 minutes of good, quality episode and that has to be remembered."
{Interstellar dust nearly wrecks their warp field, but Janeway comes up with a solution. Neelix says it calls for a celebration, and then they notice Janeway is dead.}
B'Elanna (as Neelix): "Now we REALLY have cause for a celebration!"
Janeway: "So I died in a battle with space dust?"
{Harry makes an acting captains log where he details the ships deterioration.}
Harry: "Yep, yep. Not only am I captaining the ship, but I am keeping the story moving smoother then it does 90% of the time."
{In engineering Seven transfers the power to erect a force field to keep the bridge intact. She then attempts to launch the probe, but the launch mechanism disintegrates and then the probe itself is destroyed.}
Harry (as himself): "How!"
Seven (as herself): "It appears the hand of the Paramount god's swooped in an crushed it."
Tuvok: "So this is the effect when Paramount turns its writing on Voyager?"
{Harry orders them out of warp in order to use their one remaining commchannel.}
B'Elanna: "Since where has warp prevented the use of commchannels?"
{When he learns the controls are fused her orders Seven to drop the core. Because they will not make it back to the planet and Voyager is their only hope.}
Janeway: "Now THAT is command potential."
{Harry tells Seven to think what Captain Janeway would do.}
Paris: "Including the ability to kiss up to superiors?"
{Harry orders Seven to reroute everything they have to the commsystem.}
Janeway: "I am serious Harry. While I can not credit your directly. I think your record should note the actions of your double."
Harry: "That' doesn't seem fair since Tom isn't being held accountable for his doubles actions."
Janeway: "I never said he wasn't going to be held accountable."
{On the real Voyager they try to close in on an unknown signal. Harry saying he the ship has been too damaged to identify.}
Harry (as himself): "I can't even identify a power signature. So they must have had all powered systems destroyed."
{They find the ship destroyed.}
Janeway: "Paramount has sunk to a new low. They turned US into doomed red shirts."
Chakotay: "The important thing is that it's over and we have lived to fight another day."
Janeway: "Until that point I believe I am going to go take a bath."
{The holo-grid returns to normal as the crew leaves the theater.}
{Back on the bridge the crew is sitting glaring at Pearl's image on the viewscreen.}
Pearl: "Hum. So I didn't break you this time. Oh well."
Doctor: "You are taking it rather well."
Pearl: "Oh, well I had a gentleman caller and he helped me to feel better."
(All grimace.)
B'Elanna: "We really didn't need to know that."
Pearl (grinning): "Now, now I think you'll like him. His name is Axum."
(She pulls Axum into view.)
Axum: "Hello."
All: "AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
{Their scream echoes as they fade to black.}
{A shot of the wedding where Seven stands by the Doctor, Neelix and Tuvok as she says. "Given the volatile nature of their relationship one might have predicted homicide rather then matrimony."}